Emotion Regulation: Learning to Ride the Emotional Waves

Emotions are at the heart of the human experience. They colour our days, influence our decisions, and shape our relationships. But while emotions are natural and essential, they can sometimes feel overwhelming or out of control. Whether it’s snapping at a loved one, crying in the car after work, or feeling paralysed by stress, these moments can leave us feeling out of control, confused, or even ashamed.

But what if we told you that these emotional experiences are completely normal – and that you can learn ways to manage them more effectively?

Emotion regulation is the process of understanding, managing, and responding to emotional experiences in a healthy way, and it is a cornerstone of mental health and personal growth. At MyLife Psychologists, we support people from all walks of life to build these skills—helping them feel more balanced, resilient, and in control.

In this post, we’ll explore what emotion regulation is, why it matters, how difficulties can show up, and how working with a clinical psychologist can help.

What Is Emotion Regulation?

Emotion regulation refers to the strategies we use—both consciously and unconsciously—to influence the emotions we have, when we have them, and how we experience and express them.

This doesn’t mean suppressing or avoiding emotions. Rather, it’s about being able to stay present with your emotions, understand them, and respond to them in ways that are helpful and aligned with your values.

Effective emotion regulation helps us:

Navigate challenges without becoming overwhelmed
Express feelings in ways that foster connection
Make thoughtful decisions, even under stress
Recover more quickly from emotional setbacks
Maintain healthy relationships

It’s a skill we all develop over time, starting in childhood. But life experiences – such as trauma, neglect, chronic stress, or mental health challenges – can disrupt this development.

The good news? Emotion regulation can be re-learned and strengthened at any age.

Why Is Emotion Regulation Important?

Emotions serve an important purpose. They’re signals – messengers from the brain and body that alert us to what matters. Fear tells us something might be dangerous. Anger signals a boundary has been crossed. Sadness can indicate a loss or unmet need. However, when emotions are too intense, last too long, or come too frequently, they can interfere with everyday life.

Difficulties with emotion regulation are often at the core of many mental health concerns, including:

Anxiety
Depression
Anger issues
Burnout
Relationship difficulties
Substance use problems
Eating disorders
Personality disorders (such as Borderline Personality Disorder)

In fact, improving emotion regulation is a key focus of many evidence-based therapies.

Signs You May Be Struggling with Emotion Regulation

You may not always realise you’re having difficulty regulating emotions. Here are some common signs:

You feel emotionally overwhelmed or out of control.
You bottle up emotions until they explode.
You experience mood swings that impact your work or relationships.
You avoid situations or people to prevent emotional distress.
You rely on alcohol, food, shopping, or other behaviours to ‘numb’ feelings.
You find it hard to identify or describe what you’re feeling.
You have intense self-criticism or shame about your emotions.

If any of these sound familiar, you’re not alone, and support is available.

The Science Behind Emotion Regulation

Modern psychology offers powerful insights into how emotion regulation works. It involves a series of steps:

Noticing the emotion (emotional awareness)
Labelling the emotion accurately (emotional literacy)
Understanding what triggered it
Choosing a response strategy (rather than reacting impulsively)
Monitoring whether the strategy is working

Some people use adaptive (helpful) strategies like:

Mindfulness
Reframing thoughts
Problem-solving
Seeking support
Self-soothing
Engaging in meaningful activity

Others may rely on maladaptive (unhelpful) strategies like:

Suppression or avoidance
Self-criticism
Aggression
Substance use
Emotional numbing

Clinical psychologists help clients increase the former and reduce the latter – based on individual needs and goals.

How Therapy Can Help

Working with a psychologist can be a transformative step in building emotional regulation skills.

At MyLife Psychologists, our clinical team provides a warm, supportive space where you can explore your emotional patterns and develop more adaptive ways of coping.

We draw on a range of evidence-based therapies, including:

1. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT)

CBT helps clients identify unhelpful thoughts that drive emotional reactions and learn to reframe them in ways that reduce distress.

2. Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT)

Originally developed for people with intense emotional experiences, DBT teaches practical skills in mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotion regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness.

3. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)

ACT focuses on accepting emotions rather than fighting them, while committing to actions that align with your values.

4. Schema Therapy

Schema Therapy helps people understand how early life experiences shape their emotional responses, and how to heal long-standing emotional patterns.

Your psychologist will tailor the approach to your unique needs—working collaboratively to build skills and confidence over time.

Practical Emotion Regulation Strategies You Can Try

While therapy offers in-depth support, here are a few evidence-based techniques you can start practising today:

1. Name It to Tame It

Research shows that labelling emotions reduces their intensity. Try saying to yourself: “I’m feeling anxious right now.” It creates space between you and the feeling.

2. Use the ‘STOP’ Skill

From DBT, this skill helps you pause and choose a response:

S: Stop
T: Take a breath
O: Observe what you’re feeling and thinking
P: Proceed mindfully

3. Track Emotional Triggers

Keep a journal for a week. Note situations, emotions, and how you responded. Patterns often emerge – and awareness is the first step to change.

4. Practice Mindful Grounding

When emotions feel overwhelming, try focusing on the present moment using your five senses. For example: “I can feel the chair under me, see the light coming through the window, hear the sound of the fan…”

5. Engage Your Body

Emotions live in the body. Gentle movement, stretching, walking, or even splashing your face with cold water can help shift emotional states.

Emotion Regulation for Different Life Stages and Needs

Emotion regulation looks different depending on the context. Our psychologists work with a wide range of clients tailoring support to your individual circumstances:

Adults navigating work stress, parenting, or relationship strain
Adolescents learning to manage big emotions during development
People with neurodiversity (e.g., ADHD or ASD) needing tailored strategies
Couples learning to communicate without escalation
Perinatal clients facing emotional ups and downs in early parenthood

Wherever you are in life, building these skills can create profound changes in how you feel, relate, and live.

When to Seek Professional Help

If you find that emotions frequently feel overwhelming, interfere with your daily life, or lead to patterns of behavior you’d like to change, working with a psychologist can be transformative. Emotion regulation isn’t about being perfectly calm all the time – it’s about learning how to ride the waves of emotion with greater ease and self-compassion. You don’t need to wait for a crisis to seek support. In fact, therapy is often most powerful when used proactively.

Take the Next Step

At MyLife Psychologists, our team is here to support you in developing greater emotional resilience, healthier coping strategies, and a deeper understanding of yourself. Whether you’re seeking support for a specific concern or looking to enhance your overall well-being, our psychologists are here to help.

If you’re ready to feel more in control of your emotions and your life, get in touch to discuss your needs and we can find the right psychologist for you.