“I’m fine. I’m good, mate. Yeah, not bad.” These are some of the most common answers we give when someone asks how we are doing. They can hide the signs of depression in men for a long time.

For many men, “I’m fine” can become almost automatic. Work is stressful. Relationships can be hard, money can be tight, sleep might be poor and motivation might be fading. But life keeps moving.

Sometimes, it can feel easier to keep going than to stop and ask ourselves what is actually happening. Men’s mental health is an important part of overall wellbeing. Yet many men still find it hard to recognise when they are struggling, or to reach out for support.

In Australia, this matters even more when we consider suicide. In 2025, 2,425 males died by suicide, which was 73.9% of all suicide deaths, according to the ABS’s initial figures. These numbers show why we need to talk about men’s mental health before someone reaches crisis point. If you need support right now, the services at the end of this post are available 24 hours a day.

We wrote recently about why so many men wait until breaking point before getting help. This post is about what to notice in yourself, or in someone you care about, well before that point.

Signs of depression in men: it doesn’t always look like sadness

When we think about depression, we might imagine someone who is visibly sad, crying or talking about feeling hopeless. But it doesn’t always look like this.

For some men, depression or anxiety can show up as:

  • Irritability or a short temper
  • Feeling constantly frustrated
  • Withdrawing from friends and family
  • Losing interest in hobbies or activities
  • Working excessively or constantly keeping busy
  • Sleeping too much or struggling to sleep
  • Drinking more alcohol or using substances to cope
  • Spending excessive amounts of time gaming, scrolling or watching television
  • Finding it difficult to concentrate
  • Feeling exhausted but unable to slow down
  • Becoming increasingly critical of yourself or others
  • Taking more risks than usual
  • Feeling emotionally numb or disconnected
  • Experiencing thoughts about death or suicide

Research on men and depression points the same way. The Australian researchers who developed the Male Depression Risk Scale built it around these signs. They include bottling up emotions, anger, alcohol and drug use, physical symptoms and risk-taking, alongside low mood. In fact, the Australian Bureau of Statistics lists mood disorders, suicidal thoughts, substance use and relationship problems among the most common factors recorded in suicide deaths. Substance use is mentioned more often for men.

This doesn’t mean that every man who becomes irritable, drinks more or withdraws has depression. There can be many reasons for changes in behaviour. However, clear changes in how you think, feel or behave can be useful signals that something needs attention. For a fuller picture of the more familiar symptoms, our guide to spotting the symptoms of depression is a good place to start.

Asking for help: why can it be so difficult for men?

There is no single reason why men may hesitate to seek support.

For some men, asking for help feels uncomfortable. They have learned that being strong means handling problems on their own, so seeking help might feel like a sign of being “weak”. A systematic review of men’s help-seeking for depression backs this up. Beliefs about masculinity shape whether men reach out at all, and how they describe what is going on when they do.

There can also be a fear of being judged. This can make it more nerve-wracking to even think about asking for help.

Thoughts such as:

  • “Other people have it worse.”
  • “I should be able to deal with this.”
  • “Talking won’t actually change anything.”
  • “I don’t want people to think I’m weak.”

For others, the problem is not stigma. They may simply never have learned how to name or talk about what they are feeling.

If you’ve spent years solving problems rather than talking about them, saying “I’m struggling” or “I need help” can feel surprisingly hard. That is one reason the signs of depression in men so often stay hidden, sometimes even from the men themselves.

Anger: sometimes a sign that something else is going on

One emotion that can be particularly important to pay attention to is anger.

Anger itself is not a bad emotion. It can alert us that something feels unfair, threatening, frustrating or important.

The problem occurs when anger becomes the main way we respond to stress.

For example, someone might notice that they are:

  • Getting frustrated over relatively small things
  • Snapping at their partner or children
  • Becoming increasingly impatient
  • Arguing more frequently
  • Feeling tense or on edge
  • Having difficulty letting things go
  • Using alcohol or other substances to calm down
  • Feeling guilty after an argument

Sometimes anger is simply the easiest emotion to reach. Underneath it there may also be sadness, anxiety, shame, fear, disappointment or feeling overwhelmed. Anger can be one of the less obvious signs of depression in men.

Knowing what sits underneath anger is an important part of learning to manage it. If this sounds familiar, you can read more about how our psychologists approach anger management.

Do men hide depression? A man lying on a bed with his arm over his eyes, worn out

The pressure to keep everything together

Men can experience pressure from many different directions.

There may be expectations around career success, money, relationships, fatherhood, fitness, appearance, independence and being able to support others. None of these expectations are unhealthy in themselves.

The trouble starts when someone feels that their worth depends on always meeting them.

A man might be struggling at work but feel he cannot admit it. He might be having relationship problems but believe he needs to solve them himself. Or he might be worried about money but avoid talking about it. Perhaps he feels lonely but tells himself he just needs to “get on with things” or “get over it”.

Over time, constantly pushing hard experiences aside becomes exhausting.

Good mental health: what does it actually look like?

Good mental health doesn’t mean being positive all the time. It doesn’t mean never becoming angry, anxious, sad or overwhelmed.

Instead, wellbeing means being able to recognise what we are feeling, respond well to problems and stay connected to the things that matter to us.

This includes being able to:

  • Recognise when something isn’t working
  • Understand and talk about emotions
  • Ask for support when it is needed
  • Maintain meaningful relationships
  • Manage stress well
  • Set healthy boundaries
  • Recover from setbacks
  • Make choices that fit your values
  • Take action even when motivation is low

In other words, everyone struggles at times. Good mental health means having the skills, support and flexibility to navigate the struggles that come with life.

Five things men can do to look after their mental health

Noticing the signs of depression in men is the first step. These five things can help you act on what you notice.

1. Don’t wait until things become unbearable

You don’t need to be in crisis before you seek support.

Have you noticed changes in your mood, sleep, relationships, motivation or behaviour that have lasted for some time? If so, it may be worth talking to someone. This could be a free service that connects you with other men, like the ones listed in the resources below. It could also be a professional such as a counsellor or psychologist.

Early support gives you a chance to understand what is happening before problems become harder to manage.

2. Stay connected

Friendships can change as we get older. Work, relationships, parenting and other duties can make it harder and harder to keep up social connections.

But having people you can talk to is an important part of wellbeing.

Try to make regular time for friends, family, sport, hobbies or community activities. And now and then, try moving beyond the usual chat about work, sport or what you’re doing on the weekend.

Sometimes simply saying, “I’ve actually been doing it pretty tough lately,” opens the door to a much deeper conversation.

3. Pay attention to your coping strategies

We all have ways of dealing with stress. Exercise, gaming, watching TV, time alone or having a drink can all be perfectly reasonable ways to unwind.

The question is whether these habits help you recover, or help you avoid something that needs attention.

If you need more and more alcohol, gaming, work or distraction to avoid thinking about what is happening, it may be worth a closer look. If alcohol or other substances have become the main way you cope, our psychologists can also help with alcohol and substance use.

4. Learn to recognise your warning signs

Everyone has different signs that they are becoming overwhelmed.

For one person it might be anger. For another, it might be withdrawing from friends. Someone else might notice that they have stopped exercising, are sleeping poorly or are constantly thinking about work.

Learning your own warning signs gives you a chance to step in earlier. You can ask yourself: “What changes do I notice when I’m not doing well?” and “What usually helps me get back on track?”

5. Talk to someone

This doesn’t have to mean booking an appointment with a psychologist straight away. It could mean talking to your partner, a friend, a family member, your GP or another trusted person.

And if you do decide to see a psychologist, you don’t need to have it all figured out first. You can simply start with: “I’m not really sure what’s going on, but I don’t feel like myself lately.”

That’s enough to begin. If you want to know what happens next, here is what to expect when seeing a clinical psychologist for the first time.

Tried talking before: what if it didn’t change anything?

Maybe you have tried talking to someone before and it didn’t seem to change anything. That doesn’t mean talking can’t help. Often it means the conversation, or the fit, wasn’t right.

A mate who changes the subject. A rushed appointment. Or a psychologist you never quite clicked with. All of these can leave you thinking “talking doesn’t work”. In practice, what didn’t work was that one conversation.

Therapy is different from venting. You work with someone whose job is to help you understand what is going on, and then do something about it. You set the pace. If the last attempt felt like a dead end, say so in the first session. A good psychologist will want to know, and will approach things differently.

Therapy isn’t about fixing what’s “wrong” with you

Therapy can be about growth, and about gaining skills that are useful for life.

One common myth is that you need to have a serious mental health disorder before seeing a psychologist. That’s not the case.

People seek support for many different reasons. These include relationship problems, stress, anger, anxiety, low mood, work pressure, big life changes, loneliness, confidence, motivation or simply wanting to understand themselves better.

Therapy offers a private space to step back from day-to-day life and understand what is happening.

At MyLife Psychologists, therapy is compassionate, practical, evidence-based and tailored to each person’s goals.

Depending on your situation, therapy may involve understanding your patterns of thinking and behaviour. It may mean learning ways to manage emotions, improving how you communicate, changing unhelpful coping habits or working towards changes that matter to you.

Older man with a grey beard looking out a window, the look of ‘I’m fine, but not really’

What actually helps: the approaches our psychologists use

What helps depends on what is going on for you. A psychologist will start by understanding your experience before suggesting an approach. For depression and low mood, the Australian and New Zealand clinical guidelines for mood disorders include psychological therapy as a treatment. These are some of the approaches our psychologists use:

  • Cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) looks at the links between your thoughts, your actions and your mood. In our experience, many men like its structure and its focus on practical change.
  • Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) helps you make room for difficult feelings rather than fighting them. At the same time, you move towards what matters to you.
  • Schema therapy explores older patterns, such as where “I have to handle this alone” came from. It looks at how they play out at work and in your relationships.

Whichever approach you choose, the relationship with your psychologist matters. That is why we take the match between you and your psychologist seriously.

You don’t have to do everything alone

There is a difference between being independent and being isolated. Being able to look after yourself is valuable. But knowing when to involve other people is also a form of strength.

You don’t need to wait until your life is falling apart before asking for help. Sometimes the most useful time to seek support is when you first notice that something has changed.

Take the first step

Have you been feeling more irritable, withdrawn, overwhelmed, anxious or disconnected lately? Consider talking to someone you trust, or seeking professional support. The signs of depression in men are easy to explain away. But you don’t need to know exactly what’s wrong before reaching out.

A psychologist can help you make sense of what you’re going through. Together you can spot the patterns that may be keeping you stuck and build practical ways to move forward.

At MyLife Psychologists, our psychologists provide confidential, evidence-based support for adults facing a wide range of mental health and life challenges. We see clients in person in Sydney and by telehealth across Australia. If you have a Mental Health Treatment Plan from your GP, Medicare rebates are available for individual sessions. If you would prefer to see a male psychologist, tell our Care Coordinator and we’ll take it into account. Book a free 15-minute call with our Care Coordinator and we’ll help you find the right fit from the very first call.

If you or someone you know needs immediate support

If you or someone you know is having suicidal thoughts or is at immediate risk, seek urgent support:

  • Lifeline: 13 11 14, 24/7 crisis support
  • MensLine Australia: 1300 78 99 78, 24/7 counselling and support for men
  • Emergency: call 000 or go to your nearest emergency department if there is immediate danger

References

Resources

If you would like to connect with others who are mental health minded, you can check out some of the resources below:

  • The Man Walk: free regular walks where men get together to walk, talk and support each other, with no pressure or expectations
  • Spoke to a Bloke: a men’s mental health and suicide prevention charity that runs walks, challenges and community projects to get men moving and talking
  • Side by Side: a men’s wellbeing and suicide prevention charity built around meaningful conversations and shared experiences
  • Lifeline Harbour to Hawkesbury Sydney: a Lifeline centre serving northern Sydney, offering counselling, support groups and crisis support
  • Beyond Blue: 24/7 support for anxiety, depression and suicide prevention on 1300 22 4636
  • MensLine Australia: free 24/7 counselling for men on 1300 78 99 78

Disclaimer: This article is for general informational purposes only and is not a substitute for individual psychological advice, assessment, or treatment. Reading this content does not establish a therapeutic relationship. If you have concerns about your mental health, please seek support from a registered health professional.