The Festive Season isn’t Easy for Everyone

Every December, we’re surrounded by messages that this is “the most wonderful time of the year”. Social media fills with photos of smiling families, work parties and summer holidays. For many people, though, the holiday season can be one of the hardest times emotionally.

You might be:

  • Missing someone who has died
  • Feeling painfully lonely, even if you’re around other people
  • Dreading family conflict or complicated relationships
  • Struggling with financial stress, exhaustion or mental health difficulties that feel amplified at this time of year

You’re not alone in feeling this way. The festive season can intensify those feelings, particularly when there is bereavement, family stress or social isolation.

This article explores why the holidays can hurt, how grief and loneliness can show up, and evidence-informed strategies to look after your mental health – including when it may help to reach out to a psychologist.

Why the Festive Season can Make Emotional Pain Feel Worse

1. Grief is often amplified by anniversaries and rituals

Holidays are full of rituals: shared meals, traditions, places you used to go together. These rituals can bring comfort – but they can also sharply highlight who is missing. The holiday period can temporarily increase grief symptoms for many bereaved people, even years after a loss.

You might notice:

  • Stronger waves of sadness, yearning or anger
  • Physical symptoms (tiredness, tight chest, difficulty sleeping)
  • Avoidance of certain places, songs or traditions
  • Guilt about “celebrating” or having any moments of enjoyment
  • None of this means you’re going backwards. It usually means that this time of year is a powerful reminder of your loss.

2. Loneliness and social isolation are common in Australia

Loneliness isn’t just about being physically alone. Many people feel lonely in the middle of a crowd, or at a family lunch where they don’t feel understood or emotionally safe.

Australian data show:

  • Around 1 in 3 Australians report feeling lonely, and 1 in 6 report being severely lonely.
  • The Australian Institute of Health and Welfare estimates that around 15% of Australians aged 15+ experience social isolation.

During December, social media and advertising tend to glorify togetherness. If your reality looks different – perhaps you’re single, separated, estranged from family, recently moved, or grieving – those images can deepen a sense of isolation.

3. Financial and practical stress takes a toll

The holiday period often comes with added financial pressure: gifts, events, travel, school holiday costs and end-of-year expenses. Australian sources estimate the average Australian spends over $1,000 during the festive season, which many people find stressful.

On top of this, routines change: workplaces wind down or ramp up, childcare arrangements shift, and many services temporarily close or reduce hours. For people living with anxiety, depression or trauma, these disruptions can increase distress.

4. Unhelpful beliefs and social comparison

Cultural messages about the holidays can fuel beliefs such as:

  • “Everyone else is happy – what’s wrong with me?”
  • “I should be grateful and festive all the time.”
  • “If I’m still this upset, I’ve failed at moving on.”

Comparing your inner experience to other people’s carefully curated posts can increase shame and self-criticism. But those comparisons are almost always misleading; we rarely see the full picture of anyone else’s life.

Understanding Grief in the Festive Season

Grief is a natural response to loss – not just death, but also relationship breakdowns, loss of health, fertility, employment, identity or home. Around the holidays, these losses can feel very present.

Common experiences of grief at this time of year

  • Surges or “spikes” in emotion around specific days or rituals
  • Mixed feelings: sadness and joy, love and anger, relief and guilt
  • Wanting to honour the person who died, but not knowing how
  • Pressure from others to “cheer up” or “move on”

It can help to remember that grief doesn’t follow a straight line. It’s common to feel relatively steady one moment and overwhelmed the next, especially when there are strong reminders.

 

Loneliness During the Holidays: More Than Being Alone

What loneliness can feel like

Loneliness is the gap between the social connection you have and the connection you want. You might:

  • Be surrounded by people yet feel emotionally distant
  • Feel like nobody really “gets” you
  • Worry about being a burden if you reach out
  • Feel invisible or like you don’t belong anywhere

Australian organisations such as Beyond Blue and Mental Health First Aid have highlighted how loneliness is closely linked with depression, anxiety and poorer physical health.

Situations that can increase loneliness during the holidays

  • Recent break-up or separation
  • Adult children or family living overseas or interstate
  • Working in essential services or casual work while others are on holiday
  • Being part of a minority group where your experiences aren’t acknowledged or understood
  • Living with mental health difficulties that make social contact harder

Feeling lonely does not mean there is something wrong with you. It signals that your need for connection – a very human need – is not being met right now.

Emotional Pain Without a Clear ‘Reason’

Not everyone can point to a specific loss or loneliness. You might have people around you, a job and a home, and still feel low, anxious, numb or overwhelmed as the year ends.

This can happen when:

  • The year has been full of cumulative stress or burnout
  • Old memories or trauma are triggered
  • You’re caring for others and have had little space for your own needs
  • You’ve been “holding it together” and the slowdown brings emotions to the surface

Beyond Blue and Lifeline both note that the end of year can increase stress and worsen existing mental health conditions for some people. You don’t need to justify your emotional pain for it to be valid or deserving of care.

Grief and Loneliness During the Holidays

Practical Ways to Cope with Grief, Loneliness and Emotional Pain During the Holidays

Everyone’s situation is different, so the following strategies are not rules – they’re options you can experiment with and adapt.

1. Give yourself permission not to be “festive”

  • Name your reality: “This is a hard time of year for me” can be more helpful than pretending everything is fine.
  • Drop the “shoulds”: There is no right way to feel at Christmas or over summer.
  • Allow mixed feelings: Moments of enjoyment don’t mean you’ve stopped caring or forgotten the person you’ve lost.

Self-compassion – responding to yourself as you would a close friend – is linked to better mental health and greater resilience during difficult times.

2. Create (or change) rituals that work for you

Rituals can help provide structure, comfort and a sense of meaning.

For grief, you might:

  • Light a candle or play your loved one’s favourite song
  • Cook a meal they enjoyed or visit a place that feels special
  • Write them a letter, or share stories about them with others
  • Donate to a cause in their name

For loneliness or emotional pain, you might:

  • Start a personal ritual (a walk, a journalling practice, a beach visit) on key days
  • Plan a “gentle day” that is intentionally low-key and soothing
  • Set up a video call, phone call or message thread with supportive people

The key is that you get to choose what the holidays look like for you now. You’re allowed to opt out of traditions that feel too painful or overwhelming and create new ones that fit your current life.

3. Set boundaries around events and conversations

Boundaries protect your emotional energy.

  • Time limits: Plan to attend an event for a set time rather than the whole day.
  • Exit plans: Drive yourself or arrange transport so you can leave if you need to.
  • Conversation boundaries: It’s okay to say, “I’d rather not talk about that today” or “Let’s change the topic.”

If you’re grieving or having a tough time, consider letting one trusted person know beforehand and agreeing on a signal if you need support or a break.

4. Take small steps to reduce loneliness

If you’re feeling lonely, big social events may feel unmanageable. Instead, you might try smaller, more achievable forms of connection, such as:

  • Sending a text to one safe person and being honest about how you’re feeling
  • Saying hello to neighbours, baristas or shop staff you see regularly
  • Joining an online grief, mental health or interest-based group run by reputable organisations
  • Attending a community event, support group, or local church/faith or cultural gathering if that fits for you

Australian organisations such as Beyond Blue, Lifeline and Grief Australia provide online forums, support groups and resources that can reduce the sense of being alone in what you’re going through.

5. Look after your body as kindly as you can

Physical health and mental health are closely linked. Around the holidays, it can help to:

  • Keep some kind of sleep routine, even if it shifts slightly
  • Eat regularly and include nourishing food alongside treats
  • Notice your alcohol use – many people drink more during the holidays, but alcohol is a depressant and can worsen low mood and anxiety in the days after.
  • Move your body in ways that feel manageable (e.g. a short walk, stretching, gentle exercise)

These are not about perfection. They’re about giving your nervous system a better chance to cope.

6. Limit unhelpful social media and comparison

  • Curate your feed by muting or unfollowing accounts that trigger pain, comparison or body-image concerns.
  • Remember that most people post highlights, not the full picture.
  • Consider scheduling short, intentional check-ins rather than mindless scrolling.

Instead, you might use technology to increase connection: voice messages, video calls, or sharing photos with trusted people.

When to Consider Speaking with a Psychologist

It might be time to seek professional support if:

  • Your distress is intense and persistent
  • You’re finding it hard to function at work, study or in relationships
  • You’re using alcohol, drugs or other behaviours to cope in ways that worry you
  • You feel stuck, numb or hopeless
  • You’re having thoughts about harming yourself, or that life isn’t worth living

A clinical psychologist can work with you to:

  • Understand your grief, loneliness or emotional pain in the context of your life
  • Develop coping strategies tailored to your situation
  • Explore unhelpful patterns in thinking or behaviour that keep you stuck
  • Process complex losses, trauma or relationship dynamics
  • Support you to rebuild connection, meaning and a sense of safety over time
  • Therapy doesn’t remove pain altogether, but it can make it more bearable, more understandable and less isolating.

If you live in Sydney or elsewhere in Australia, our psychologists offer both in-person and telehealth appointments, which can be especially helpful during the busy festive period.

How to Support Someone who is Struggling this Festive Season

If someone you care about is grieving or feeling lonely:

  • Reach out: don’t wait for them to contact you. A simple “Thinking of you today” can mean a lot.
  • Acknowledge their reality: “I know this might be a really tough time of year for you.”
  • Offer specific options: “Would you like to come over for lunch?” or “Can I call you on Christmas Eve?” rather than “Let me know if you need anything.”
  • Include them in decisions: Ask what they feel up to, and respect it if they say no.
  • Be willing to talk about the person who died if they want to, rather than avoiding their name.
  • You don’t need the perfect words. Your presence, patience and willingness to listen are more important than saying exactly the right thing.

Taking the Next Step

If this season feels heavy and you’re finding it difficult to cope on your own, you don’t have to carry that weight in silence. Our clinical psychologists are here to offer compassionate support to help you navigate grief, loneliness and emotional pain.

Book a free 15-minute consultation with our Care Coordinator to discuss how we can help.

References & Resources

  • Australian Institute of Health and Welfare. Social isolation and loneliness. 2025.(AIHW)
  • Ending Loneliness Together / Loneliness Awareness Week. Why We Feel Lonely. 2024.(lonelinessawarenessweek.com.au)
  • ABC News. Ending Loneliness Together report finds almost 33pc of Australians feel lonely. 2023.(ABC)
  • Aoun, S. et al. The impact of bereavement support on wellbeing: A comparative study between Australia and Ireland. Palliative Medicine, 2020.(PubMed Central)
  • Grief Australia – Annual Reports and submissions on bereavement and prolonged grief.(grief.org.au)
  • Mental Health First Aid Australia. Loneliness and isolation over the holidays.(Mental Health First Aid Australia)
  • Lifeline Australia. Mental wellness during the holiday season and crisis support services (13 11 14, text, online chat).(Lifeline)
  • Beyond Blue. Festive stress; Loneliness and mental health; Beyond Blue Support Service.(Beyond Blue)
  • Healthdirect Australia. Mental health helplines.(Healthdirect)